Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
