Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
