So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
