i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I am morally bankrupt
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
