Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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