Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
