so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
