New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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