I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
