then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
