By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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