worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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