I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
