Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
