I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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