i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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