the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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