I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
