Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
