Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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