I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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