We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
