Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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