You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
