i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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