Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
