So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
