My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
