areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
