Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
