So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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