My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
