im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
