Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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