Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
