that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
