Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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