i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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