Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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