that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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