accomplished twins. life is a go
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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