Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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