Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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