you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
