I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My pussy is not your playground.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
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