Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
