ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
