I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize