I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
