Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
