So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
