i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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