is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
