He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
