My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize