i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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