Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a search helicopter?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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