i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
