how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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