you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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