Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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