Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
