I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
