bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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