I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
