well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
