If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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