when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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