dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
