i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
